I’m just not ready

I’m feeling emotional this week, more so than usual. I am a bit of a wreck with my emotions at times though pretty often blame it on hormones (sometimes you just have to use those blasted hormones to your advantage!)

There’s a combination of things going on but the one thing that’s really bringing a tear to my eye and making me both proud and sad at the same time is my girly

She has all of a sudden grown up; she has shot up in height, her determination has grown and her ability and understanding has increased. For the 4th consecutive day she has got herself dressed without fuss and is in general such a pleasure to be around. It’s bittersweet, I want her to be independent, but I am already starting to miss the ‘need’ for my help

She has become quite insistent on going out on her bike and you know what, she’s mastered the art of turning corners and has even started to stand/pedal to get more momentum (although we keep stopping her in case she falls)

She’s been out on the bike a couple of times with me, although the hubster came out with us both on Sunday for the first time in ages and as she pedalled off he just looked at me  in complete shock and awe saying “whats happened to our baby?” and “how did I miss that?” It really is hard to believe that she is only 2 and still a toddler of sorts as her physical ability is brilliant and that of a 4-5 year old

On her bike, so so confident
On her bike, so so confident

On Monday of this week I collected J from nursery and her key worker explained to me that in 4 months she will be moving into the next room up, her last room before going to school, and that when we return from our holiday they will start the transition to the room. I welled up and said “please stop” as I simply can’t bear the thought of my ladybug moving up again. It happened around this time last year when she moved from the baby room to the toddler room, I got upset then and it’s come round again already. Time has just flown by!

I have read many blogs and comments on social media over the last fortnight about children growing up and ready to start their first year at school, and it terrifies me. If I am a wreck when people innocently remind me about the next stage of her simply moving rooms on her 3rd birthday, what on earth am I going to do when she really is ready to move to the next big school?

Eating her fresh podded peas. Look how frown up she is, it's going way too fast
Eating her fresh podded peas. Look how frown up she is, it’s going way too fast

Over the last week or so J has also started to take herself off and play which is adorable, amazing and unnerving at the same time. We have spent quite a few months wondering if we were going to permanently have her glued to our sides, and although she still has many of those moments, more recently she has been quite content with her own company

We’ve found her happily playing snap cards on her own in her tent at a friend’s BBQ and on occasions at home she has collected her crayons from the other room, taken them to her table in the lounge and done some colouring. On Sunday we found her playing snap cards with her flash cards (there are no matching ones in there so she would be there forever haha)

It goes all quiet and I instantly get that parental “oh my goodness what is my child up to?!?” feeling, and I just glance into whatever room she’s in and she’s sat there playing happily. This would never have happened 2-3 months ago and I get a sense of pride as I stand there watching her without her knowing

Playing pars with snap cards. There were no matching ones in this pack as it was all alphabet letters but she tried so hard and it was adorable watching her play happily
Playing pairs with snap cards. There were no matching ones in this pack as it was all alphabet letters but she tried so hard and it was adorable watching her play happily

I don’t want to rush anything, I honestly absolutely love the age she currently is and if I could I would bottle all of these amazing moments up forever. Before I know it my 2.5 year old will be off to primary school and then secondary school, and won’t need her mummy as much any more

I don’t know what I will do with myself, I’m sure I didn’t sign up for my girl to grow up so fast. For now I’ll get my head round the milestones she has achieved this week alone, and the fact that in a few short months I’ll be a wreck once more as she moves up to the next room…

Having a "cup of tea" (warmed milk)
Having a “cup of tea” (warmed milk)

 

Playing with incy wincy and Gaston the ladybug playdoh
Playing with incy wincy and Gaston the ladybug playdoh

 

 Linking up for this week’s Post Comment Love

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3 thoughts on “I’m just not ready

  1. It is that time of year where we are all noticing how much our kids are growing up. It is bittersweet as you say because it is so wonderful to see those developments and heartbreaking to know that they will never be the age they are again. It is a part of motherhood. #PoCoLo

    Liked by 1 person

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