“You Are Selfish”

This week I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen since I was pregnant. We are by no means close or what I would call friends, just someone I knew through my profession

The person asked how my baby was doing and was shocked when I informed them that J was approaching 3. They then asked if I were to have another. To which I responded with my usual blanket response “I’m happy with one”

The feedback that instantly came from this person’s mouth was (in exact words) “you are selfish” which quite upset me. The conversation continued briefly, with me advising I had a bad pregnancy and this person continuing to informing me that I was selfish again because my daughter needed to have a sibling

I have met many people who have opinions on how many children I should have (apparently 2 is the ‘right’ number according to most), and how all children benefit from a sibling, but none as rude as this and I was quite taken aback by it

I posted a comment on my Facebook page and there was complete uproar. All of my friends in shock at how rude this person was, and indeed the fact that it is nobody’s business aside from mine and my hubsters

This person doesn’t know if it was difficult for me to conceive or not, or if I needed assistance in conceiving, they don’t know whether my pregnancy posed a life threatening risk or not, they don’t know what discussions and life changing events have happened to me or the hubster since then, and they certainly don’t know if I actually want more children or not but am too polite to say “mind your own business” and instead say that I’m happy with one

The thing is, the choice is mine and my hubsters (and nature). Who the hell has the right to tell me, or any person, whether their family decisions, their life decisions are right or wrong?

The hubster is an only child, and is one of the least selfish, most friendly people I know and is an amazing networker. I also know of one person who has a sibling and they don’t speak to each other through the year, just a casual hello at family events and a card at Christmas and birthdays. It really does work both ways

It got me thinking, why does society have what they believe to be a normal existence? When I was a child the ‘norm’ (in my household anyway) was for one parent to work and the other to be a stay at home parent, and most households had 2 children. Fast forward some 20+ years and this ‘norm’ is still the expected but isn’t always the reality

I have honestly lost count of the amount of times I have been criticised for not spending enough time with my daughter, for working full time and for telling people that having one child isn’t a bad thing. As time has gone on more people have stepped away from what is perceived as “the norm”. Through necessity perhaps, maybe through choice, but there’s so many different types of family shapes and sizes that it’s down to the family to decide what’s right for them

Who knows what the future holds for us as a family unit, but for now I know I’m not “selfish”, I’m simply a mum enjoying the time I have with my only child, and cherishing every moment I have with her, because I can

I decided to reflect and went through my photos of J. the day she was born, her 1st birthday, her 2nd birthday and in August this year. Growing into a beautiful and lovely girl
I decided to reflect and went through my photos of J. the day she was born, her 1st birthday, her 2nd birthday and in August this year. Growing into a beautiful and lovely girl

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