I work full time, one evening a week allowing me to spend a day with J, and 4 full ‘normal’ days. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but forgetting the financial requirement mentally I need it. I take my hat off to stay at home parents as I really struggled with the day to day activities of bottles, dummies, nappies and not using my brain I had become so used to before being a mummy
I thrive on juggling full time employment, being a mum, a wife, a dog owner and fitting in my hobbies of blogging, walking and photography, and generally I wouldn’t have it any other way. In recent years my role has changed and a couple of weeks a year I am required to travel to different countries and counties, and I also have 1-2 weeks a year where my role takes me away from home for long hours – early starts at the office with late finishes and business dinners, not returning home until the house has settled and rested, and in turn barely seeing my family and relying heavily on video calls
This week was one of those and not having our Wednesday together and barely seeing J really made an impact. Now she’s 4 and understands the world a bit more, is a bit more understanding of why things happen and knows her days of the week perfectly, going to nursery on her precious Wednesday was not welcomed. Thursday morning came around and she was crying at me, telling me she hated work, didn’t want me to go, didn’t want me to leave her and didn’t want a home or holidays that we work to pay for
I know that these things are often said in haste, but for the first time since leaving her at nursery in a long time I felt that stabbing in the heart feeling of whether I am actually doing the right thing being a working mum. I cried on my way to work, I felt low for the remainder of the day and I made the conscious decision to do the nursery drop off on Friday morning instead of her daddy to put a spring back in her step and have some much needed time chatting in the car
The thing is as parents we are forever questioning ourselves, we forever doubt ourselves, and we are forever wondering if we are being the best parents we can be. I know many people think that being a full time working mum is the wrong thing as a parent, and that others would be in full agreement with me
There’s really no template for any of it and this week was one of those weeks when I questioned it myself. Having done both sides I know to be the best mum I can be I need that element in my life, our family setup and her days
This weekend we haven’t done anything big, we’ve been together as a family but J has been my shadow all weekend and wants to be constantly near me which is both flattering and stifling at the same time. Next week the normal routine will be returned with fewer long days which I know everyone in the house is happier about and will keep this little girl of mine happy once more.
Linking with Donna and Katie for The Ordinary Moments